Our quarantine has not even begun yet, but self-isolation, homework at a distance, the inability to spend free time in the usual way – in the cinema, cafes, gyms, in companies with friends – already causes screams of horror in our fellow citizens.
“He’s a terrible bore, clings to everything, pisses me off, we fight ten times a day!”
“She is hysterical, yelling about every occasion, you want to run away from home, but you can’t.”
“It’s unbearably boring with him, he’s silent all day, I’m climbing the wall within four walls, but he’s at least what!”
Such statements are heard more and more often in recent days. And every day their number will increase – moreover, according to psychologists, this will not necessarily apply to families who are already breathing in fancy. In their opinion, those at risk are those people who are accustomed to an active life. Such a person runs to the pool in the morning, then to work, then to some courses (language, advanced training, sewing, etc.) In the evening, there is only time to exchange a few words with his spouse, briefly tell about the events of his day and, if you’re lucky, have sex. On weekends, these people definitely plan something – depending on their interests, they go to theaters and museums, to cinemas and shopping centers, to pubs and restaurants, to sports events, concerts, to visit, etc. etc. – the benefit of the proposals of megacities today are designed for all tastes and wallets. And not only megalopolises, any large cities.
These people can live in a happy marriage for years – until they suddenly find themselves alone, face to face. All entertainment or serious activities become possible only online, communication with friends, acquaintances, relatives – too. In real life, only family members remain.
And this is where personal, lively, long-term communication comes to the fore. And people learn a lot about each other – something that they have not seen behind the daily stream of events. And we are not talking about some fundamental points, not about those human qualities that are difficult to put up with, such as greed, insecurity, cruelty, selfishness, etc., but about little things. People begin to get irritated by their partner’s verbosity or silence, hot temper or excessive equanimity. Both the manner of speaking and the habit of shuffling, blowing your nose, scratching your head can be annoying …
Because in fact it is not the spouse that is annoying, but the changed lifestyle, for which the person is not at all ready. But he does not realize this, he tends to blame the one who is nearby for his own discomfort. Scientists conducted such an experiment: on the floor of the cage, where two rats were sitting, they let an electric current – not strong, but interfering with their quiet life. Soon the rats began to fight, considering each other to be the cause of their troubles.
Unfortunately, in this matter we are not very different from rats …
Therefore, self-sufficient families are now in a better position. Those who had previously spent a lot of time with each other found pleasure in communication, conversations, in joint silence. And it is easier for those people who were already good with themselves. Those who preferred a good book to a noisy company over their own shine at the presentation of anything – walking in a deserted park or forest. People who have something to think about, dream about, reflect …
What should the rest of us do so that at the end of the quarantine they do not remain on the family ashes? Realize that the problem is not in the spouse, but in the circumstances. That the circumstances will change sooner or later, and the damaged relationship cannot be restored. Use forced confinement in order to cultivate tolerance for other people’s shortcomings, this quality will be very useful to you in life outside of quarantine.